Mind Over Mellitus

So I was stressed, depressed, and down on my body after my diagnosis with Type 1. Not just from my doctor’s “educational” pamphlets about all the ways I am going to die, lose limbs, go blind, droopy, on dialysis, and all those other fun things. It was also from the huge highs and lows and their affect on my thinking — as I also figured out how to eat, take insulin, and function in a high-pressure job.

Okay, not to keep any of the three people following my blog in further suspense, I’m going public on this. After twelve years of diabetes, I’m ready to share the biggest influences that make my life with diabetes work:

Tai Chi and Qi Gong – By undoing the knots and tensions in my body through the slow, steady, meditative movements of Tai Chi and Qi Gong, those same constrictions eased in my mind and emotions.

My heart lightened. I got funnier, more prone to laugh, less stiff. Each day I practiced helped me break the 24-hour cycle of anxiety and stress that I couldn’t seem to escape. Finally I took off the heavy, heavy coat of anxiety.

Loving Relationships – For me, accepting diabetes and the way it affected me was a major hurdle. The subsequent loves of my life focused on me, and accepted my diabetes when I had been doing the opposite. Their acceptance of diabetic-me contributed to my own.

Hanging with Other ‘betics – What to do if you feel like an alien here on earth? Find and hang out with other aliens from your own planet. Do it long enough to get the perspective, advice, and humor necessary to stay sane and happy. We diabetics have challenges and issues no one else completely understands. Be understood and understand. That’s huge.

Zen Meditation Practice – While it provides many of the benefits of Tai Chi, Zen meditation – known as zazen – helped me recognize and de-fuse a lot of the “poor me, I’m damaged goods” stories I had made up about having diabetes. At some point it was possible for me to hold these two thoughts together: I love my body and I have diabetes. Totally inconceivable before.

A “Low-Insulin” Diet – Some people call it “low carb,” but the real point is that the less insulin you need to take (or make if you’re Type 2) the less estimation error you’ll get AND the less volatility (ups and downs) you experience. That means more stable, more predictable blood glucose, which makes me feel SO MUCH MORE IN CONTROL. I can recommend Dr. Richard Bernstein’s book, Diabetes Solution, if you feel like you’ve had enough debilitating highs and lows that you’re willing to change how you eat.

These are my five. They’re not for everyone. Some people will cope best by getting a job as a wrecking ball operator, while others might find that knitting works. What are your five? Keep returning to them.

As soon as this gets posted I’m planning to do a little Tai Chi to relax before bed…

My self-acceptance took a big hit when I got diabetes at 26. While I was depressed for the first 6 months, it took seven or eight years to completely include diabetes in my overall identity in a healthy (and even fun) way. So I’m a slow grower.

Prior to that I felt profoundly let down by my body. I was balled up in my underwear - stuck on all the stigma and stories I made up in my head about what having diabetes means. “There is something wrong with me”, showed up in my mind in one way or another again and again. That happened when my numbers were out of whack, when my memory was hammered by hypoglycemia, even when I considered inviting someone into my life. I didn’t like my inner world, so why make it crowded in there?

But five important things made the difference for me. Five factors transformed my experience of myself and this disease, which I will share in my next post…

(This article was written for the Taking Control of Your Diabetes, Volume 25, Q2 2008)

“Don’t fight forces, use them.”

R. Buckminster Fuller

An Accelerated Course in Greatness

We diabetics are abundantly human. We miss, forget, foul up, flake on our diabetes regimen, or just don’t do enough to take care of ourselves. Frequently our blood glucose simply doesn’t cooperate!

I’ve struggled a lot with these issues. My perfectionism in controlling my blood glucose numbers - or the attempt leaves me angry with myself when I over-eat at my favorite Indian restaurant and my glucose goes through the roof, or screw up my carb counting and go hypo in a meeting. My lack of compassion towards me and my mistakes is astounding sometimes, and diabetes provides opportunities for mistakes galore.

But I don’t think Mother Theresa or the Dalai Lama became who they are by beating themselves up every day for making mistakes (or getting “bad” glucose numbers). Nope. Just the opposite, I believe. In fact I am convinced that their human imperfections and suffering became huge contributions to their greatness.

Making a Difference When it Really Matters

And we diabetics are abundantly equipped to help others who are suffering, because of our own. Suffering, loss, and mortality are things we know intimately. Rarely can we “save” any human being who is suffering. Hard to accept. But our presence in his or her suffering, the feeling we can bestow of being no longer alone, the wholehearted acceptance of that person when he or she is most vulnerable… these provide immense healing comfort.

I recall visiting a terminally-ill friend with cancer whom others could not see without being so caught up in their fear of suffering and mortality that they almost needed more support than him. Just holding his hand and providing a caring, warm presence made all the difference.

Remember back when you were a child and sick, and how your mom, dad, or grandparent shared their loving presence and your distress? That’s what we have to offer through our experience.

Compassion Is Proactive

We also live in dynamic tension as diabetics. It really matters that we get serious about health-related goals - for post-meal blood glucose, blood pressure, HBA1C, exercise, and weight management. It really matters that we practice self-discipline in sticking to our treatment plan, so our lives can be long, vital, and rich. We care for ourselves in the future with compassion by making tough choices today.

Forgiveness Creates the Space for Success

So compassion and forgiveness for ourselves are not about sloppiness and lowering standards; they are an opening in which to soften, and then recommit fully without the drag of internal conflict. Through forgiveness we create the space to improve, reinforcing the goal of good health not the error we want to abolish. Mind over mellitus.

Happiness

And compassion enables us to forgive our most close and loving caretakers (that would be you and me) - all the time. Be gentle to you when you blow it.  Remember who the closest partner and protagonist to your heart is.

Even if you can’t do it for yourself, make self-forgiveness and acceptance a “lay-away” gift for the cherished people so affected by our internal states every day - children, spouses, partners, parents, friends, co-workers, and bosses.

The Dalia Lama shares, “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” And compassion begins inside, with you and with me.

Greatness

When we love, and strive, and gracefully accept what life gives, we are at our greatest - the lives of Mother Theresa, the Dalai Lama or others who have done the same spell this out.

And the opportunities to exercise graceful acceptance are HUGE with diabetes.  If we seize them, day by day our capacity to love others and our capacity to love our awesome diabetic selves grow - and with it grows our own quality of greatness.

Now THAT, is a pretty cool diabetes “complication” I want more of…

What happens next time you slip or make a mistake?

Andrew Young is editor of MindOverMellitus.com, a blog/newsletter focusing on enhancing life with diabetes through personal motivation, self-discipline, great habits, and (hopefully) a sense of humor.

I don’t know about you, but my biggest barrier to diabetes control is nothing other than myself. As diabetics we are supposed to do what we don’t want to do when we don’t want to do it, and not do what we want to do when we want to do it. Sounds like a recipe for going completely bananas. To help keep myself from going there as often, and hopefully you too, I put this little newsletter and blog together.

Where does the personal motivation to cope with diabetes around the clock come from? How do I develop my saggy self-discipline to work for me? What do other diabetics do to establish great habits? How can I possibly have fun when I feel like I’m driving down the road of life with one square wheel?

…THAT is what Mind Over Mellitus is about. I hope this may be your filling station.