Mind Over Mellitus

(I wrote this for Taking Control of Your Diabetes, Volume 28, Q1 2009)

“Self-discipline?” Self-discipline sounds so remarkably un-saucy. In fact, it seems downright counter to happiness… a recipe to steal my “mojo,” rain on my parade, and turn me into some kind of cheerless robot. I want to do what I want to do, when I want to do it, and nobody is going to tell me how.  Hmph!!

That’s my small mind talking.

And there have been so many more occasions for my small mind’s protests and gnashing of teeth since my diabetes diagnosis twelve years ago: Time to test… Surrender to the three-month Endo visit… Pass up on the carbolicious scones… Exercise without fail to keep my numbers even and my heart ticking… Hold off on the hot, yummy dinner before me because I’m at 212 mg/dl… Eat some carb when I’m full and at 56 mg/dl… “Poor me!”

Yes, the list goes on. In fact, today I counted 37 “diabetic occasions” that thwarted my self-will and made me want to cave-in to little desires (and in a few cases I did).

The Surprising Source of Unhappiness

The one big constant across all my little complaints, minute-to-minute unhappiness, and blaming of diabetes seems to be me. More accurately, so much of my daily suffering is literally in my head - driven by my outlook and what I choose to focus on.

Certainly our feelings are influenced by body chemistry, life experiences, and trauma from the past, but “happiness is more determined by one’s state of mind than by external events,” observes Howard Cutler, MD, co-author with the Dalai Lama of The Art of Happiness.

David Burns, MD, author of The Feeling Good Handbook, is even more emphatic, declaring, “thoughts and attitudes - not external events - create our feelings…(and)… the messages we give ourselves have an enormous impact on our feelings.”

I can vouch for that. Looking at a high number on my glucose meter and thinking, “I failed! I’m a bad diabetic!” can ruin part of my day. It feels entirely different from when I’ve got a better hold on myself and ask, “Okay, that was a learning experience. How can I prevent this from happening again?” And I move on. Two different habits of mind. Two different results.

Not only does our thinking play a big role in our own unhappiness, it’s also the key to feeling much better.

“Bulk-Up Those Happiness Muscles!”

But here’s the exciting implication for those of us with diabetes: With every additional self-care challenge comes the opportunity to strengthen exactly the muscles we need in order to create happiness - we flex our will and take autonomy over our thinking.

Self-discipline puts us in a position of strength, action, cause.

Seeing the connection between self-discipline and happiness is empowering and exciting. It’s also unspecific.

A Few Tips: Clearing the Way for a Happier Life

I’ll share three of my best practices for using mental discipline to clear the way for a happier life - learned over the last twenty-five years, and put to the test by diabetes.

1. Focus on what you have control over (don’t worry about the rest).

Life gets far simpler and less overwhelming when we center on the few things we actually can control. Everything else will manage just fine without us.

I can’t always control my blood glucose numbers, but I can control what goes on my fork.

When I’m frustrated with someone, it’s a huge relief to ask myself what can I really control in the situation?  That gives me back my power, helps me return my attention to my own behavior (which is sometimes the whole source of the problem), and helps me stop obsessing.

2. Don’t believe everything you think.

Most negative thoughts are distorted by our mind’s natural tendency to manufacture dramas in which it can play the leading role. Some of our mind’s favorite dramas are blowing things out of proportion, jumping to conclusions (also known as making things up), personalizing events that are not personal.

To my mind’s complaints like, “But I don’t feel like…” testing, exercising, whatever it is, I reply, Thank you for sharing. Then I do what needs to get done. My “feelings” always want a vote, but they’re usually not relevant to what needs to be accomplished when it comes to my self-care.

3. Re-anchor your attention on what you care most about (with a mantra).

Athletes, advertisers, and educators understand the power of repetition. Self-talk gives star athletes the power to break world records. Self suggestion returns our focus to what matters. It cuts past the excuses, complaints, fears, and self-doubts, bringing what we care about into sharp focus, and establishing it as our reference point.

Recalling one of my mantras, “I choose to be happy”, often saves the day for me (or at least the hour). There’s something soothing about this choice. It’s a reminder that I care for me, and just as importantly, I am in charge of my happiness! Let that sink in. It feels pretty good … and it happens to be true!

“I deserve normal blood sugars,” is a mantra that comes to my rescue at other times. When I want to surrender to my impulses to go “off-road” on my diabetes self-care, it reminds me what I really want, and what the tradeoff is. When my blood sugar is on target, my thinking is clearer, I’m more energetic, I’m less distracted, and I feel better. I’m willing to give up a lot for that.

Staying Happy With Our Feet on the Ground

That we should be happy all the time is not realistic, nor even a healthy approach to all situations. There are times when anger or mourning is totally appropriate. Nor are self-discipline and mental toughness a replacement for therapy or medication when either is warranted.

The important point to remember is that there are steps we can take to improve the mental side of our happiness equation. By learning to change our thoughts through discipline and persistence, we take charge of our happiness and shape how we feel. For me it means initiating small “causes” now that will have big “affects” on my happiness in the future. It also means loosening the grip of unhappiness when it inevitably comes.

Summary

As diabetics we face extra challenges to our joy and well-being. Few diseases exercise so well the “muscles” needed to change our patterns and invest in happiness. Dealing with the countless interruptions, inconveniences, and indignities of diabetes management is arguably the best gym on the planet to improve our capacity to manage our minds and reap the returns in health and happiness again and again.

Self-discipline is ultimately about making a tradeoff, not a sacrifice - we accept short-term effort in exchange for long-term joy.